I can do hard things.

April 21, 2015

Today would/could have been my 37th wedding anniversary. I made it 35 years (34 if you count the year we spent getting the divorce). Do I wish we could have made it work? Yes! Do I believe that it could have worked? No! There were just too many problems with the marriage that couldn’t have been worked out. Too many hurts. Too much control and anger. Oh, I played my part in the problems, but I’ll only accept a small portion. The rest I will leave on him. “I can choose to let it define me, confine me, outshine me, or I can choose to move on and leave it behind me.” So, I have chosen to reminisce about the wonderful things I have learned post divorce. My life motto is: I can do hard things.

I can count my kids and grandkids as my greatest blessings. The best things that came from the marriage is our children. All I ever wanted growing up was to be a mother and a wife. I wasn’t perfect, but I tried the best I could. I stayed in the marriage for my kids, maybe it wasn’t the right decision, but I thought it would be best for the family. I loved cooking, baking, sewing, cleaning, teaching, loving, and serving my family. From making their birthday cakes every year, to making holiday pillowcases, reading to them nightly, teaching them to cook and sew, running them to ball games, dance lessons, teaching them to be hard working and honest, all the things a mother tries her best to do. Loving them always. No matter what they did, I loved them and tried to support them. I have also been blessed with wonderful grandchildren that brighten my life. I love being with them and being part of their lives.

I can enjoy the support of my sisters. I have been blessed with the best sisters ever. We have been together through thick and thin. If any of us need each other, we are there to support each other. They are my best friends. One of the times we needed each other and became closer was during the death of our parents in the last few years. Though their deaths were so sad, it was a blessing to have each other during that time. During the long years of my marriage they were there to support. They supported me in staying as long as I did. They supported me in leaving. They are my biggest cheerleaders.

I can pay my own bills and be financially independent. During my long marriage I was always told I couldn’t take care of finances. In reality, he was such a control freak about money that he wanted to run the finances. I have always believed that financially we came out okay because we BOTH were good with money, It wasn’t just him that got us where we were. I haven’t had a problem taking care of myself financially since the divorce. I pay my bills on time, I’m not in debt, I work and take care of myself, and I’m doing just fine.

I can love again. During the marriage and then the long divorce I swore I would never want to date or even talk to men again. After the divorce I began to go to singles activities and I even got on a dating online site. I made many new single guy friends. I met a wonderful man through a dating site and we became friends and dated for a year. I loved him and learned so much while being with him. He became one of my best friends. Although it hasn’t worked out for the long haul, I learned that I can love again. I know there are good men out there, and that someday I may find someone I want to be married to again, and if not, I can be happy alone. There are second chances.

I can make new friends, and keep the old (most of them). I have always been blessed with great friends. With the freedom from being controlled about who I can talk to, and not having someone looking over my shoulder and be angry for talking to friends and family, I have been able to make new friends, and keep the wonderful friends I have. I consider it very lucky that I only lost 4 friends (2 couples) in the divorce. (The ex needs a couple of friends too.) I feel loved and respected by my many friends, and grateful for all they bring into my life.

I can be happy. During my marriage I maintained a happy and positive attitude, (not every minute). It was so difficult, but I feel like I have always been a fairly happy person, no matter what. It wasn’t easy, not at all. And in the last 3 years I have maintained a positive and happy attitude, and it’s been so much easier to do that now, being away from the negative.
I can survive and thrive. Life has not turned out as I had planned. Those childhood dreams of having a happy family and long marriage didn’t come true. But I can be truly grateful for what I have, and for the future. “You know when the path you are walking is healing you, because you stop looking back at what happened and start looking forward to what’s coming”.

I can live on my own, travel to new countries, make new adventures, and make dreams can come true. I have always loved to travel, see new places, and meet new people. Growing up in a family where we traveled and lived overseas got in my blood. I decided that I would someday live overseas and teach. I had hoped to convince my husband to go with me that didn’t work out. So, after the big D, I took a job in Bolivia. It was about as far away from home as I could possibly go. Could I survive on my own in a foreign country where I didn’t speak the language and know anyone? I have. I’ve learned so much from this experience. I have met the most wonderful people and seen the most fascinating things. I’ve traveled around Bolivia, seen Brazil, and will head to Argentina and Mexico at the end of the school year. I’ve survived Santa Cruz, the weather, bugs, traffic, shopping, school system, church all in Spanish, trash, and new adventures everyday.

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” Philippians 4:13
I fully acknowledge that my I can attitude comes from my belief and faith in God and Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for all that God has blessed me with. I am so thankful for the knowledge that I am here on earth for a reason, and that after all I can do I will be saved by His grace. This knowledge gets me through the hard times. I know that He is with me always. He supports me and gives me the faith to go on. I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. In my darkest hours I have felt His spirit whisper that it will be work out, that all things will be made right, that someday all the sadness will end and I will be able to live with Him again, with family and friends. And I can rely on that!